November 13, 2008

It Can't Be Over Yet

Do you ever feel you’re in spiral motion waiting for the spinning to stop and it never does? Since December 2007 I have been living in that spiral. Hoping, praying that it will stop or at least slow down and allow me to get out. I made it through July and then came August I don’t think I will ever look at August the same again. I took a trip overseas for 3 weeks the place was incredibly beautiful but the situation was sometimes unbearable. I met some remarkable people who I know will be my friends forever and I feel so thankful to have them in my life, others I met well……

I was O so tan and enjoying the weather to the fullest but even for me the lover of sea, sun and sand I was forced to take breaks because my body was baking like a pie. Daily drinks, tons of food, late nights and not enough exercise makes Beth not on her “A” game.

Labor Day I was back in America unexpected by most but maybe not out of the question to others. Living in PA again but this time with Mom. My brother had the little one early on but now she is back in the nest. I guess at the end of the day the return was inevitable – it was too much, a chore, uncomfortable, it bucked the norm. 2 of us within a span of 6 months must have been the straw that broke the camel’s back. Now it’s the 3 of us - in the tiny homestead, it will be challenging but we need to stick together because we only have each other. I never would have thought at this stage in my life I would be spending so much quality time with my Mother let alone living with her, it’s almost surreal.

November and I am still in PA how did this happen – ha? The job market is worse than ever, no breaking news to anyone! October I took on the role of substitute teaching in the Hazleton Area School District. I could not spend another day in the house doing nothing except chores. I was going stir crazy. The majority of my classes have been at a school very close to my Mom’s house. I have had classes from K-8 and everyday is a very different experience. I have a new found respect for teachers and the rigors they take on daily. I would have thought kindergarten would be a breeze. Cute, adorable 5 year olds certainly cannot be as challenging as hormonal 7th and 8th graders. Boy was I wrong. Out of 3 different KG classes I would have to say that 1 of them was the toughest day I have had so far since I started subbing. I can’t remember if this is how I felt about subs when I was in school. Was I ever as disrespectful to teachers as the teenagers at VEMS are to me? I certainly hope not….

On a high note for November the Thorn Girls came to the East Coast. It was excellent to spend much needed bonding time with them. My girl KR-is-Ten, there is no other like her. The weekend turned out to be a mini Hafey reunion with our crew. Laughter, tears and a WHOLE LOT of kids.......

Direction: a word that seems to be missing from my vocabulary of late. Up and Down, Back and Forth, Round and Round but no straight path leading to anywhere. I guess its life but it’s so very tiring and at times frustrating. When you pour yourself into something you expect or can only hope for desired results. After all these years I should realize for me that is not an option.

I am keeping my fingers crossed, everything crossed, that my journey begins again soon.
It’s now so deep in my veins/soul it seems impossible to let go of.

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